I woke up at around 3:20 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep until I did a brain dump.
Can’t sleep
Woke up to pee
and couldn’t fall back asleep.
Thoughts pinging around my brain
like fire crackers.
Loud,
Random.
Crack and fade.
Staccato phrases,
echo the latest news.
I envision a canyon,
Deepening, narrowing.
A path snaking it’s way through,
High walls the only other way out.
Will I ever reach the end?
Should I go back the way I came?
I sip some water,
And remind myself,
That the I in my head right now
isn’t me.
I’m awake because
the world is a scary place.
Cliffs and canyons,
Burnt trees, weather ravaged landscapes
Beauty mixed with destruction,
Order with chaos,
Light,
Darkness,
Sleepless nights,
Followed by the dawn
of another day.
All those times we said,
“Real men cry,”
Because boys thought crying was weak,
And they were supposed to be strong.
And now,
Men have learned to use tears,
to show innocence,
Vulnerability,
To get away with making a mistake.
How ironic that,
Men have complained forever,
About women using tears to get their way,
And now men use tears to get away with murder.
Is that what we call progress?
Pledge allegiance to a flag,
Instead of freedom, truth and justice.
There is no justice
in bigotry and hate.
There is no truth
in a closed mind.
There’s no freedom,
when you obsessively worship a symbol.
There is no peace
When assault weapons in open view
are accepted.
Easier to let them be than confront.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Dress the part,
Say the right words,
And you can get away with anything.
All my life I’ve felt like I didn’t belong
Like something was off
Like I was missing something.
Different.
Tolerated.
Searching.
Confused.
All my life.
Alone even when surrounded by people.
Socially awkward.
Unsure.
The only place I was comfortable
Was on my own
Running, cycling, reading, writing
Exploring a trail.
Conquering fears
Sometimes conquered by fear.
Journeys
Destinations
The realization that
Sometimes the journey defines
destination.
Clarity at last.
Still awake.
The words keep coming.
It’s hard for my fingers to keep up,
To type them before they disappear.
I should be sleeping,
But I can’t,
Won’t,
Not until the thoughts
stop coming.
