Handcuffs and pizza?

Quite possibly one of the weirdest things I have ever written. The prompt was "You get handcuffed together with the sandwich delivery guy." But I misread it as pizza. Really? How the heck did I do that? No wonder I came up with such a crazy poem. Next step might be to make it a  song, probably country.

Handcuffs?
Really?

The pizza delivery guy

Brought my 16” veggie pizza minus the olives,

And as I was pulling out my twenty,

Slapped a handcuff on my wrist.

My immediate reaction,

What the … and I swung my other arm at his face.

He’s quick.

Even with his left hand cuffed to my right wrist,

He was able to grab my arm before my fist connected.

Is this guy a magician or something?

Quick reflexes,

Got a handcuff on one wrist and grabbed a swinging arm,

Before I could scream, kick, or grab the twenty.

Turns out all he wanted was to practice his technique.

Say what?

He took off the handcuff,

Apologized

And said the pizza was free.

I think I’ll pick up my pizza next time.

And at a different shop.

Might want to change my cell number, too.

And install a timer on my front porch light.

There’s some scary shit going on out there.

Let’s leave the handcuffs for the good guys.

Or maybe the sandwich delivery guys.

Their food might be healthier. 

And usually comes with chips, yum, salt.